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About Bender

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he’s at the park near the Nisporeni River, and he just saw a couple of ducks fighting over a piece of bread. I’m cracking up, picturing these ducks like they’re in some epic battle. I mean, who knew ducks could be so dramatic?

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